Wednesday, 26 August 2009

My Own Worst Enemy

I’m sitting in vent as I write this, listening to my guild wiping progressing on the 2nd encounter in 25-man Trial of the Crusader (the not-really-PvP one).  It’s amusing to consider that last week I was grinding my teeth in silent fury because I had to wipe with them, and this week I’m sitting out and grinding my teeth in much the same way.

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, Think I'll go and eat worms

Welcome to Planet Irrational: Population, Me.

It’s actually quite silly when I stop and try to look rationally at my reaction; the phrase “Dog in the manger” seems quite appropriate.  But the discontent does feel quite real, for all it’s for a pretty foolish reason.  (I think dropping vent and doing something else for a few minutes while I got the worst of it out of my system was probably a good idea – I’d rather not say something on vent that would leave me guildless)

At it’s root, I think, is the thought that I’m missing out on the chance to upgrade my already pretty good gear – this is despite the fact that I haven’t been rolling on gear lately, while I try work through growing discontent with shadow-priest raiding.  (Like I said, I’m Mr. Irrrational)

(Actually, it’s probably because I complained to the caster officer about how –insert expletive here- angry the faux-PvP encounter left me, and that I never, ever, EVER want to do that fight again.  It’s embarrassing when you vent, and people actually listen to you…)

Anyway, a recent series of posts by Gevlon have been food for thought, in regards my gear-fetish and lack-lustre performance.  (This one, then this one and the latest on the theme here)  I think I’m going to try continuing to raid in my current gear (well, maybe other than my weapon, which I need to replace with a non-hit-rating one so I can juggle the rest of my gear a bit better) and pass on loot for the time being.  The reasoning for this is because I need to improve my ability, instead of just relying on gear upgrades to pull me through.

That means not just getting a better grasp on my character’s abilities, but also putting some work (and thought) into my UI and keybindings.  It also means challenging myself to do better, and not just relying on macros and panicked key-mashing.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get something more out of this challenge than I would out of /rolling on ToC25 loot.


(Amended edit:  maybe I’ll try discipline healing instead – I’ll see what the healing officer says…)